So I made this chart after seeing the incredibly clever and funny one on people in higher education (link here). No disrespect or dissention intended – merely using humor to offer another viewpoint on our differences.
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
September 15, 2011
December 30, 2009
The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet
I just finished reading the debut novel of Reif Larsen. It was pretty amazing and I highly recommend it. I couldn't resist producing an illustration (and I apologize in advance for those who are easily offended by strong language or insects). For an explanation you will just have to read the book.
April 14, 2009
Answer to PB Contest
Not that I expected anyone to get my obscure Calvin and Hobbes reference but y'all could have at least come up with some creative answers. Dad wins with his jar on the dash board theory (which was conveyed to me on the phone). His prize: a jar of peanut butter that is not half eaten or melted.
December 23, 2008
Great Interpretation
So the best interpretation of my card so far has been from my next door neighbor.
(Opening up the flap to reveal the angel)
So this is Satan, who is reading the Scriptures right before the Incarnation with the slow understanding on what is about to occur:
Satan:”No, No, ….”
(Opening the next flap to reveal the multitude)
Satan screaming,”NO, F*** NO!!” (repeatedly)
With the Joe Satriani angels behind him blaring their trumpets in his ears.
I though it was pretty good (and it gave me ideas for next year).
(Opening up the flap to reveal the angel)
So this is Satan, who is reading the Scriptures right before the Incarnation with the slow understanding on what is about to occur:
Satan:”No, No, ….”
(Opening the next flap to reveal the multitude)
Satan screaming,”NO, F*** NO!!” (repeatedly)
With the Joe Satriani angels behind him blaring their trumpets in his ears.
I though it was pretty good (and it gave me ideas for next year).
October 10, 2008
Bail Back In
I heard the finest (as well as sardonic) commentary on our country’s current turmoil on the radio yesterday. So I thought I would pass it along (you can also go listen to it read by the author by clicking here).
After the Bailout by Andrei Codrescu
I was sharpening my chain saw when they called me from Washington, D.C., to ask me how to fix the economy.
This request focused my thoughts, or the lack of 'em, to such a fine point, I gave my 14-inch Echo an edge it never had. Good enough for cutting half a cord at least, to keep the wood stove going through October. I love not paying the oil company a nickel. Except for the half-gallon of gas and the chain oil, but I'm fixin' to make the thing run on plum brandy. I've got a plum tree.
Ah, where were we? The economy, yes: $700 billion is more than enough money to buy every able-bodied American a chain saw, a solar-powered generator and a stake in a communal well and windmill. Also, red dirt and plum trees. That would probably only cost about $100 billion, and you can use the other $600 billion to buy everybody their house outright.
Now everybody can own their house and be green and self-sufficient, and can go back to whatever they were doing before the world ended: watching TV. Except for me. I was sharpening my chain saw.
So I go back to it, and I see a line of refugees coming up the road to move in with me. Oh my God, it's the '70s again. All my deadbeat friends — dead and alive — are being chased out of their homes and heaven for not owing any money. They are debt-free in a world that can't exist without interest rates. The dead are especially egregious in this regard; you can't squeeze even an extra penny out of them.
Oh, no, now that they are getting closer, I don't even think it's people from the '70s: It's people ... from the future!
It's worse than I thought: These are people independent from foreign oil, carrying solar-powered chain saws, full of American ingenuity. After the bailout, they owned their own homes, they didn't pay into a corporate energy grid, and they didn't worry about food because they grew it on the roof. They didn't drive, because they didn't have any jobs to drive to, and every garage in America was the site of an invention that was so darn beneficial nobody needed anything from the store.
Without worries about money, without a job, and with extra space in the garage to grow food and invent, these people forgot about the stock market, stopped borrowing money, even forgot how to shop — in short they stopped being American. These un-Americans got their exercise raking the compost instead of circling the mall; they home-schooled their children and were never again embarrassed that their kids knew more than they did. Heck, they were in heaven, the place where the pursuit of happiness leads to when you stop pursuing it.
Such self-sufficiency made the economy grind to a halt, so the government had to do something again: They called in the Army to chase everyone out of their self-contained greenhouses.
And now they are coming up the road to my place because I'm a poet, and I live in a compound defended by polygamist haikus.
"What did you do wrong?" I asked the first of the refugees to get over the palisades.
"Nothing," he said. "We just got out of debt and stopped watching TV! So the urge to buy things on credit disappeared. So they sent in the troops. First thing they did was to put a 40-inch plasma TV in every room and fixed it just so we couldn't turn it off. Just like in Orwell, only with much sharper images. They are calling this the Second Bailout, or the Bail Back In."
"At least the Second Amendment is safe," I said. "Nobody took away your guns, and the Founding Fathers didn't say anything about TV."
And with that, my chief haiku welcomed them thus:
make yourselves at home
you won't be bailed in or out again
you're safe in Second Life
After the Bailout by Andrei Codrescu
I was sharpening my chain saw when they called me from Washington, D.C., to ask me how to fix the economy.
This request focused my thoughts, or the lack of 'em, to such a fine point, I gave my 14-inch Echo an edge it never had. Good enough for cutting half a cord at least, to keep the wood stove going through October. I love not paying the oil company a nickel. Except for the half-gallon of gas and the chain oil, but I'm fixin' to make the thing run on plum brandy. I've got a plum tree.
Ah, where were we? The economy, yes: $700 billion is more than enough money to buy every able-bodied American a chain saw, a solar-powered generator and a stake in a communal well and windmill. Also, red dirt and plum trees. That would probably only cost about $100 billion, and you can use the other $600 billion to buy everybody their house outright.
Now everybody can own their house and be green and self-sufficient, and can go back to whatever they were doing before the world ended: watching TV. Except for me. I was sharpening my chain saw.
So I go back to it, and I see a line of refugees coming up the road to move in with me. Oh my God, it's the '70s again. All my deadbeat friends — dead and alive — are being chased out of their homes and heaven for not owing any money. They are debt-free in a world that can't exist without interest rates. The dead are especially egregious in this regard; you can't squeeze even an extra penny out of them.
Oh, no, now that they are getting closer, I don't even think it's people from the '70s: It's people ... from the future!
It's worse than I thought: These are people independent from foreign oil, carrying solar-powered chain saws, full of American ingenuity. After the bailout, they owned their own homes, they didn't pay into a corporate energy grid, and they didn't worry about food because they grew it on the roof. They didn't drive, because they didn't have any jobs to drive to, and every garage in America was the site of an invention that was so darn beneficial nobody needed anything from the store.
Without worries about money, without a job, and with extra space in the garage to grow food and invent, these people forgot about the stock market, stopped borrowing money, even forgot how to shop — in short they stopped being American. These un-Americans got their exercise raking the compost instead of circling the mall; they home-schooled their children and were never again embarrassed that their kids knew more than they did. Heck, they were in heaven, the place where the pursuit of happiness leads to when you stop pursuing it.
Such self-sufficiency made the economy grind to a halt, so the government had to do something again: They called in the Army to chase everyone out of their self-contained greenhouses.
And now they are coming up the road to my place because I'm a poet, and I live in a compound defended by polygamist haikus.
"What did you do wrong?" I asked the first of the refugees to get over the palisades.
"Nothing," he said. "We just got out of debt and stopped watching TV! So the urge to buy things on credit disappeared. So they sent in the troops. First thing they did was to put a 40-inch plasma TV in every room and fixed it just so we couldn't turn it off. Just like in Orwell, only with much sharper images. They are calling this the Second Bailout, or the Bail Back In."
"At least the Second Amendment is safe," I said. "Nobody took away your guns, and the Founding Fathers didn't say anything about TV."
And with that, my chief haiku welcomed them thus:
make yourselves at home
you won't be bailed in or out again
you're safe in Second Life
May 10, 2008
Mother's Day
January 17, 2008
July 2, 2007
The Funny Pages
I love the Sunday comics. Laura got us a subscription to the Dallas Morning News pretty much just for the comics. So here is my personal rundown of comics that have been an inspiration and of those that are continuing to be:
The Far Side (retired)
Gary Larson
Using everything from cavemen to aliens Larson invented the single panel comic. He had a great (if weird) sense of humor, usually calling on the ordinary around us and twisting it in just the right way. His drawings were simple, kind of dorky and always surprising in how much story they could tell in a single image. These were my favorite as a child and have inspired both the good (Bizzaro) and the bad (Close to Home) in the current industry.
Mutts (current)
Patrick McDonnell
Absolutely beautiful from an artistic standpoint. Stories are often a bit too cute for me but often they can be very powerful in their simplicity.
Pearls Before Swine (current)
Stephan Pastis
The opposite of Mutts in a lot of ways. Unashamed with its horrible art, but always laugh out loud funny due to its very cynical outlook on life.
Peanuts (retired)
Charles Schultz
I will admit that I didn’t like peanuts growing up but it has definitely grown on me and I can see now why it is so highly regarded. Great characters with a great outlook on life while set in a very real (harsh) world.
Get Fuzzy (current)
Darby Conley
This is what Garfield should be (I am assuming that Darby knows who he has ripped off). Bucky and Scatchal are exactly what you would expect from a cat and dog who could talk; often misunderstanding the human take on the world yet fitting in to the current culture remarkably well. Gritty yet clean art.
Dilbert (current)
Scott Adams
Consistently one of the funniest comics in the paper all due to the office environment. Adams is a genius (yet must still work in a cubicle somehow).
Calvin and Hobbes (retired)
Bill Waterson
Cannot begin to describe how influential Waterson has been in my life. Come over to my apartment and you will undoubtedly be bombarded with this comic strip. Beautiful art, wonderful characters, imagination, great philosophy on current culture, Spaceman Spiff, Transmogrifiers, Calvinball, I could go on. This strip will change your life (or it should in my opinion).
The Far Side (retired)
Gary Larson
Using everything from cavemen to aliens Larson invented the single panel comic. He had a great (if weird) sense of humor, usually calling on the ordinary around us and twisting it in just the right way. His drawings were simple, kind of dorky and always surprising in how much story they could tell in a single image. These were my favorite as a child and have inspired both the good (Bizzaro) and the bad (Close to Home) in the current industry.
Mutts (current)
Patrick McDonnell
Absolutely beautiful from an artistic standpoint. Stories are often a bit too cute for me but often they can be very powerful in their simplicity.
Pearls Before Swine (current)
Stephan Pastis
The opposite of Mutts in a lot of ways. Unashamed with its horrible art, but always laugh out loud funny due to its very cynical outlook on life.
Peanuts (retired)
Charles Schultz
I will admit that I didn’t like peanuts growing up but it has definitely grown on me and I can see now why it is so highly regarded. Great characters with a great outlook on life while set in a very real (harsh) world.
Get Fuzzy (current)
Darby Conley
This is what Garfield should be (I am assuming that Darby knows who he has ripped off). Bucky and Scatchal are exactly what you would expect from a cat and dog who could talk; often misunderstanding the human take on the world yet fitting in to the current culture remarkably well. Gritty yet clean art.
Dilbert (current)
Scott Adams
Consistently one of the funniest comics in the paper all due to the office environment. Adams is a genius (yet must still work in a cubicle somehow).
Calvin and Hobbes (retired)
Bill Waterson
Cannot begin to describe how influential Waterson has been in my life. Come over to my apartment and you will undoubtedly be bombarded with this comic strip. Beautiful art, wonderful characters, imagination, great philosophy on current culture, Spaceman Spiff, Transmogrifiers, Calvinball, I could go on. This strip will change your life (or it should in my opinion).
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